I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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