I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
