He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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