Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
