if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
