How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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