apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
