well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
