I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
