my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
