i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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