well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
