Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
