Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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