weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
