Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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