I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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