Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Who did Billy Mays play for?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
