Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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