I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
