in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
third nipple confirmed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
