All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
