Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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