Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
