the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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