why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
