So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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