well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
