we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize