Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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