As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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