Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
false alarm. still invincible.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
