What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
