i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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