you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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