I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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