I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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