It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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