What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
