You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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