have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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