new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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