I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
