I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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