i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
