It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
