Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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