Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
