i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
