So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
