Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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