tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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