is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
