just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
