the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
