I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All the doctor said was why
Randomize