hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
