Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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