guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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