So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
