his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's get the cat blown out
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So apparently I’m into choking now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
