her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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