forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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