For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
