Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
