let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
